Tackling “What’s Next?”

By Veronica Feliz, FC 18 Syracuse2016-08-21 12.35.44 (3)

“Learn from the way the wild flowers grow.” Says Jesus to an apparently anxious group of disciples, explaining that if God cares for the flowers growing wildly with no regard for the future, of course He will take care of us, too. When I heard this Gospel last Sunday, I’ll admit I initially rolled my eyes. When I was 10 years old I decided I wanted to be an architect. Every class I took in high school and every college I applied to was informed by that 10-year-old’s decision. Fast forward to junior year of college and all of the sudden I was flying back to America a semester early from studying architecture abroad because something in me suddenly changed. This made me realize that plans you can be so sure about can change rapidly and since then I have found it hard to trust.

Recently, I became very anxious about life after FrancisCorps.  I’ve never strayed from asocially-constructed timeline: I graduated from high school, went to college, and committed to doing something for a year after graduation. Now, the possibilities seem endless and there’s no set time for them. I’ve contemplated doing service programs for the rest of my life – guaranteed work, housing, and food – but figured that’s not really the point. I’ve also thought about going back to school, finding a random job in a random city, living at home, or trying to work and live abroad. But here I am, back in the present, sitting at my desk, worrying about the end of July when I’ll most likely need rent money, a car, food, and so on, without a definite way to actually afford it. So when I heard that Gospel, I was like, you’re kidding. How am I not supposed to worry? Concurrently, there are too many and too few opportunities for post-FC life and I hardly know how to make any of them happen.

To answer, “I don’t know” to the ever-popular, “What’s next?” question seems weak or unimpressive, but I’m trying to become more comfortable with the unknown and luckily I’m surrounded by people who help me to stay positive and reassure me with their support.